What's harder than quitting smoking you ask? Quitting cussing...

Vernacular, do you know what that means? One of the definitions is using plain, everyday, ordinary language. So you could say curse words are part of my vernacular. Part of my language. I can remember cussing as far back as the third grade. Thats not my way of bragging or anything, my language is nothing to brag about. But actually trying to quit cussing would leave me, well, speechless. Usually the first and last words in my day are fuck. I hear Adrien calling out from in his room, look over at the clock and see 6:04, said it. I lay down after being home with Adrien all day, with no naps mind you, then working till 10 and I look at the clock and see that its now 11:39, said it. Not writing it is pretty simple. I let a few go while typing on here or on Facebook, but usually I try not to broadcast it. But you get around me and at least 6 words out of 10 will be swear words. I'm not sure who I got it from exactly. I can remember Mama telling me one Sunday after church when I laid down for a nap she could hear me saying something. As she got closer to my room she realized what it was, the F word. She says she asked where I had heard such a word and my reply was school. I was in kindergarten at the time. How did I hear it there? Who really even knows.... So anyways, I try my best to not say these words in front of Adrien but one slips every once in a while. Nothing bad. But still not good. But when he isn't around, they fly like birds in the sky. The f-bomb is dropped the most. Then comes GD. Which I don't necessarily believe in God so using His name in vain doesn't affect me like it does most. Shit is a pretty common one. Whether its "Kim, Adrien shit his pants and I'm pretty sure its your turn to change it" or "You've got to be shitting me", it can come in different forms. Ass and damn are also the most frequently. I use these words in everyday conversation with people and don't think twice about it. However, I never use them in front of my elders, children and I try really hard not to let them go in front of truly religious people as to not offend them. Some of you may be appalled by this post. Some of you may be the same way. Either way, as the title claims, it is by far the hardest thing I have ever tried to quit doing. There have been instances where as I am proclaiming no more cussing, I say a cuss word in the same sentence. How does one stop cussing? Does the dime in the jar for each one really work? Someone would surely get rich off of me and the bank would have to keep a constant flow of dime rolls coming my way. What else could work? Do you have suggestions? If so I would love to hear them. Until next time, take care and be good folks. See I could've used a different F word there at the end....






PS- I totally forgot about the word bitch. But all you really need to know about that is I never called my mother a bitch, Ive never called my wife a bitch and anyone else is pretty much fair game....

The hardest things about being an asshole and teaching your children not to be.

I was raised under the impression to lead by example. I'm not here to put any one person on blast. I'm more here to explain why I become more and more disappointed with the human race. Also why I hope to not pass this on to my son and any other child that we have in the future. My problems here lately aren't with people I don't know but with people that are close to me. I have my people that I am close to and I have the people that I just feel like I grow further away from. It"s a good thing that Adrien isn't old enough to understand this. I just have a lot of hatred building and doesn't seem to be subsiding. As of tomorrow I will have lost the person that I loved more than anything a year ago to the day and instead of thinking about the good times we had together all I can seem to think about is the blatant disregard for family bond that I am beginning to see get worse as time goes on. There is a lot going on in my family right now that I don't have necessarily have much control over. I was actually told by a family member a few days ago, I hope to see Adrien soon. Am I the only person that can drive to see my family? I mean shit, Durham is close to 30 miles away from me. Why am I the only person that I can drive for you to see a child you are supposed to love? This doesn't go for all of my family in Durham or Hillsborough, I know you guys do all you can and I do the same. Other side of the family guys. Also I see a person that didn't do much for me as a child struggling and I feel like I am the only person trying to help them out. I think deep down I do love this person and I can't see them fall flat on their face and I will do whatever I can to see that they make it. I see a person that I don't have a normal relationship with becoming more distant. The worst part of that is the blame seems to be put on me and my wife. Which is completely unfair. The difference is, as Kim calls it, I'm more of a peacemaker. But that trait is traveling more and more away and the true asshole side of me is coming out. I'm fed up. Are we not important enough for you? Does our time schedule just not fit with yours? Do you think you are better than us? These are things we feel. Like I said I'm not here to put anyone on blast. They know who they are. So if I'm feeling this way, how years from now can I not pass this on to my children? How do I teach them to turn the other cheek when I can't even do it anymore? I'm pretty sure times will be a lot more trying for them at that point. I will try to teach them family is the most important thing they can lean on. I've always told myself I will be a better father than mine was and a better husband than he was. So hopefully I can teach my children to let things roll off their shoulders. Maybe with all of this they will learn family should be number 1. You can't always trust your friends, or acquantices to have your back but you can hopefully fall back on your family. At least this family in this household. Friends come and go, another reason I'm becoming numb to some of the people around me. One instance in particular, I asked one good friend a simple request. In return I got a very unwarming reply and have not spoken to that person since. So why should I be the nice one and try anymore? Why can't I just be the asshole and say fuck it, you want to act like that, fuck it. I do however have a lot of friends that I have made over the years that I know will always be here for me and that i appreciate more than anything. I know this is a lot of ranting and raving. But what I'm really getting at is I hope to not pass my flaws off to my son. Hopefully he has confidence in his family and friends and never has to go through the situations I do. But knows he will always have the love and affection he deserves. He is perfect in every way and I can only hope to pass on to him the virtues my mother instilled in me. If this offends anyone, get the fuck over it. Or try to fix whats broken. Although I'm at my wits end so it won't be easy.

Just a quick question...

Who is viewing this from Germany and Russia? Because whoever you are, your are the shit. Comment or send me a message on Facebook. It's pretty awesome I must say. But would be even more awesome if I knew who you were. And to everyone else who follows and reads, thank you also. I'm willing to write about anything really so I would love feedback or if there is something you would like me to blog about. I would super enjoy suggestions. Believe me when I say this, anything you want to heard, I'm willing to write about it. Thanks for all your support.


AJ

Sleeping til 8am is like winning the lottery.... Your chances are slim to none....

You come super close sometimes. But your odds are one in a million. A lot of you may not have this option anyways, so you won't understand what I mean. Some of you do know what I mean. Some of you don't have this problem, but thats because your child actually sleeps past 8 o'clock. Well for the first time in 20 months, I actually got to sleep past 8 last week. It felt good. For once I woke up feeling refreshed. Has it happened since then, no. Not even close. It's a real pain in the ass when you wake up super early. Not to go to work, for a jog, for an early morning workout, a cigarette and coffee or even a nice breakfast. No, I wake up to a 20 month old wild maniac who wakes up with tons of energy. Don't get me wrong. He sleeps for 11 to 12 hours most nights. But what he doesn't understand is I don't get 12 hours a sleep of night. I'm lucky to get 5, maybe 6, hours of sleep a night. While he is snoozing away, I'm off working for the Man. i get home around 10:45. Spend an hour or so winding down and then laying in bed another 30 minutes to an hour waiting to fall asleep. I look forward to naps after he goes down for his, that never seem to work out. I need Harry Potter here to give him a potion to sleep till 8:15 every morning. That would be ideal. But do you think he understands this? No, not one bit. I guess this is something I can add to the list of things I will never understand as a parent. He better believe that when he gets older, the tides will turn, and I will be the one in his room at 6am every morning saying, WAKE UP!!! Then just walk away and giggle to myself and tell him to fix my breakfast and do the laundry and wash dishes and then cook dinner while he is at it. The best advice I got before he was born was, get as much sleep as you can now. But did I listen? No sir I didn't. so my best words of advice are as follows, sleep now, a lot. Be supportive and get up when your wife does to feed said baby. Not because they want you to but because its the right thing to do, no matter how much it may suck. Last but not least, nap whenever you see the baby napping. The first month or so its all they really do anyways....