Just a quick question...

Who is viewing this from Germany and Russia? Because whoever you are, your are the shit. Comment or send me a message on Facebook. It's pretty awesome I must say. But would be even more awesome if I knew who you were. And to everyone else who follows and reads, thank you also. I'm willing to write about anything really so I would love feedback or if there is something you would like me to blog about. I would super enjoy suggestions. Believe me when I say this, anything you want to heard, I'm willing to write about it. Thanks for all your support.


AJ

Sleeping til 8am is like winning the lottery.... Your chances are slim to none....

You come super close sometimes. But your odds are one in a million. A lot of you may not have this option anyways, so you won't understand what I mean. Some of you do know what I mean. Some of you don't have this problem, but thats because your child actually sleeps past 8 o'clock. Well for the first time in 20 months, I actually got to sleep past 8 last week. It felt good. For once I woke up feeling refreshed. Has it happened since then, no. Not even close. It's a real pain in the ass when you wake up super early. Not to go to work, for a jog, for an early morning workout, a cigarette and coffee or even a nice breakfast. No, I wake up to a 20 month old wild maniac who wakes up with tons of energy. Don't get me wrong. He sleeps for 11 to 12 hours most nights. But what he doesn't understand is I don't get 12 hours a sleep of night. I'm lucky to get 5, maybe 6, hours of sleep a night. While he is snoozing away, I'm off working for the Man. i get home around 10:45. Spend an hour or so winding down and then laying in bed another 30 minutes to an hour waiting to fall asleep. I look forward to naps after he goes down for his, that never seem to work out. I need Harry Potter here to give him a potion to sleep till 8:15 every morning. That would be ideal. But do you think he understands this? No, not one bit. I guess this is something I can add to the list of things I will never understand as a parent. He better believe that when he gets older, the tides will turn, and I will be the one in his room at 6am every morning saying, WAKE UP!!! Then just walk away and giggle to myself and tell him to fix my breakfast and do the laundry and wash dishes and then cook dinner while he is at it. The best advice I got before he was born was, get as much sleep as you can now. But did I listen? No sir I didn't. so my best words of advice are as follows, sleep now, a lot. Be supportive and get up when your wife does to feed said baby. Not because they want you to but because its the right thing to do, no matter how much it may suck. Last but not least, nap whenever you see the baby napping. The first month or so its all they really do anyways....

My vent... Have a looksy!

I fell off the wagon. I made it a little over 4 months without tobacco, and I picked it back up. I know what you're thinking. Why would he do that? I have my reasons. First and foremost I was becoming a fat ass. No, its not the old saying you stop smoking and gain weight. I replaced smoking with eating. A lot. A whole whole lot. The first 2 months I was doing great. Wasn't really thinking about it. Well the next 2 months its all I thought about and to keep myself from going back, I ate like a squirrel who lost his nuts during the winter. Snack here, candy bar there and three sodas to top it all off. In the latter months of my venture I gained 20 pounds on the dot. Can someone say fat ass? Reason number 2, I wasn't quitting for myself. I wasn't at the point where I wanted to quit. I was mostly doing it to prove a point to Kim that I could indeed do it to stop her bickering. Which she was and still is in the right for. I know smoking kills. I know smoking causes cancer. I don't need commercials or doctors to tell me that. My grandfather died of lung cancer if I'm not mistaken. It was before i was born, which is why I'm not 100% on that. Sissy could verify it I'm sure. But the point is, I wasn't ready to quit. I was doing it because of other reasons and I didn't have a plan set in place. Like I told Kim tonight, for some reason I'm the person who jumps into the pond head first without checking the depth first. It's a very bad trait. The past couple weeks have been rough for me. I inadvertently ruined a very good friendship, I realized I am very unhealthy and out of shape, I'm not a very caring person, I have a lot of deep issues with my mother passing away that I keep suppressing, and generally I'm not a very happy person anymore. True smoking again isn't going to fix those problems. But realizing my problems and beginning to put a plan in place will. I say I'm not a caring person because I don't feel much anymore. Almost like I'm numb to emotions. You're dog died, that sucks. Steve Jobs died of cancer, yeah, so did my mom. I don't think my emotions are where they need to be. To talk a little about my mother, I loved her more than anything in this world. She was taken away for something she didn't cause. If I get lung cancer, thats my bad. She did nothing to get breast cancer the first time. She did nothing for it to come back 15 years later and riddle her body and turn her into someone who was so helpless it brought me to tears every time I saw her. I make jokes and I make it seem trivial but deep down, I hurt. If there is a God, why my mom? Why Kim's mom? Because you needed them in heaven? For what? We need them here more than you need them there. Adrien needs them both here. To hold him. To hug and kiss him. What about the others in this world that have died from this stupid disease? So when i say fuck cancer, I mean it. It's so unfair and unbiased. So what I'm saying is I have a lot going on in my head right now. So I think I want to fix all my problems for other people. But what I have to realize is I have to do these things for myself. Not to prove a point or make someone else happy. I just had to unload this. I also had to let everyone know I am smoking again because I don't want anyone to think about me still being on the wagon. I fell off and I plan to walk for a little while. Walking is good for me right now.....

Pros and Cons of being a stay at home dad..... just a few anyways.

Well first and foremost, the best pro is that I get to spend the days with my heck of son Adrien. Which just so you know is awesome. I always hear parents say they miss their kid or that they missed something their kid did. Like the first time they crawl or walk. I had the privilege to see those things. To match that in the con column is I don't get much family time. I get to see my wife all of about 10-30 mins a day usually. That is not enough for me. Spending our saturday's together is awesome, it's just not enough. Pro number dos would have to be that I am not dropping Adrien off at a daycare that who knows what he would do all day. No offense to daycare workers, but i guess i just like to know what my kid is doing. Not to mention the equal of this pro is not paying for daycare. Holy moly. Con number two would have to be I don't get very much "me" time. I wake up when Adrien wakes up and my only breaks are while he naps. Which are usually taken up by housework during the first nap and me getting ready for work during the second nap. Then Kim gets home, I bag up my dinner and I'm out the door. I don't consider driving by myself as "me" time because I'm driving somewhere I don't want to go. I work my 5 hours. Then drive home and usually go to sleep between 11 and 12. Depends on how tired I am. That is monday through friday. Sunday is my 10 hour work day so there isn't much time to squeeze in some time to myself. Saturday is the only day for said "me" time. But it's also the only day for "family" time. So this too is part of the con, having to choose. So most of the time I consider mowing the lawn or cutting down trees in the woods as my "me" time which is kind of shitty time, but works. Sometimes while Adrien is napping Kim let's me go outside and work on the truck or something like that. Not saying that not having time to myself is her fault. I just always choose the family time over the time to myself. The last issue I'm going to touch on is sort of a pro and a con. Which is why it's last. I have turned into what most call Mr. Mom. I cart Adrien around and do the grocery shopping or run the occasional errand. I wash, fold and put away clothes. I wash the dishes. I plan and cook meals. Well unless Kim picks out the recipe, then it's she plans and I create. I don't necessarily do these things every day, except cook. But I actually do a lot around here. I never try to throw it in Kim's face. I never say I do more than you. Because at the end of the day, I do it to let my wife spend a little bit of time with her son before he goes to sleep. I get somewhere around 9 hours a day with Adrien. You figure, she only gets about 3 hours a night with him. That's if she doesn't have a meeting of some sort. So for those 3 or so hours I want her to be able to enjoy her son. Watch him play and act silly. She deserves it. So the con is a lot of hard work. The pro is my wife not having to worry about anything but spending time with our precious son. That my friend's makes all this worth it. I get time with my boy and my wife gets time with her son. To me, it's just a little work in between.

blah...Monday...blah

So as per usual, I haven't posted in a while. It's monday and Adrien is napping. Which means I am making the grocery list.... YAY(totally fake). I don't mind going to the grocery store. It's actually pretty fun. But I always hate making the grocery list. Kim has decided to start eating healthier, which is good for her but bad for me because I like calories and fat and carbs. Also it makes making this list even damn harder! So she finds recipes in magazines or in blogs that she reads and leaves them laying on the table or pulled up on the iPad. But it's usually only like 2 maybe 3 recipes. I always try to tell her I have to buy 6 meals when I go to the grocery store. One of those being something she will actually cook on sunday's while I'm at work. So 2 or 3 recipes don't really help me that much. As a side note here as to not have her smack me the next time she sees me after reading this, thank for the help that you do provide me with for grocery shopping doll face. So here I sit, listening to The Black Keys, making a grocery list and chatting with said doll face on Skype. I hate monday's. I don't know why. For most people monday means back to the work week. Well that was yesterday for me. All 10 glorious hours of being at that dreadful place. It is a job though. Not better than this job, but this job doesn't pay. It is more rewarding. When I don't have to change anymore really horrible crappy diapers, he can learn to pee in a toilet and can say his ABC's backwards then I will know all my hard work has paid off. There are a lot more rewarding things. I just picked the three most awesome in this scenario. After finally getting my copy of the Tao Te Ching back, i started reading that last night. I have to read it aloud because that is the easiest way to understand it. I may have to read it like 4 times just to make sure i understand it all. Anyone who has ever read may understand this. Unless you're smart and didn't smoke a lot and drink a lot when you were younger. To you I say, good for you. Onto baby stuff. Adrien seems to be growing by the day. Understands near about everything you say to him. Just refuses to say words. He can say what sounds like hello, hey and no. But uses them all at times not suitable for the word. However when we go off and he is sitting in the cart he knows to say HEY to get the person's attention shopping next to us. It's actually pretty funny. This time with him I would not trade for the world. He is a sweet little boy. He loves us and loves to pull Kelly's tail. So I'm not a hundred percent on whether he loves her just yet, or just sees her as another play toy. Banana however, he loves that cat to death. This is about all I have for you on this dreadful monday. Wait one last thing, I am almost 4 months tobacco/nicotine free. Which is totally awesome. Even though I miss it and want to smoke every single day and if it weren't for my responsible neighbor JB, i would have already cracked a few times. Now that's really all I have at this point unless it matters that I switched to listening to Stone Temple Pilots. I swear one of these days I am going to write on here 3 times a week. I'm going to leave you all with a chapter from the Tao Te Ching. Just something to think about....

                                                  II. Self-Development
When everyone recognizes beauty to be only a masquerade, then it is simply ugliness. In the same way goodness, if it is not sincere, is not goodness. So existence and non-existence are incompatible. The difficult and easy are mutually opposites. Just as the long and the short, the high and the low, the loud and soft, the before and the behind, are all opposites and reveals the other.

Therefore the wise man is not conspicuous in his affairs or given to much talking. Though troubles arise he is not irritated. He produces but does not own; he acts but claims no merit; he builds but does not dwell therein; and because he does not dwell therein he never departs.

Sorry for the break.....

But when mama is home, it's family time. Not much has happened since the last time i wrote on here. We have purchased two vehicles since the last post. The first being our family car, the Traverse. I also bought a 1977 Ford F100. Pretty much to haul trash and brush to the dump and what not. I say brush because we are in the process of trying to clean out the woods behind our house. It is slow moving and will be even more so now that Kim has gone back to work. But our plan is to clean out all the little trees and as much pine straw as possible. That way Adrien can have his own little nature area. Where he can grow up and do all the things little boys do. I sometimes wonder if back there will be where he gets his first kiss, or smokes his first cigarette or even gets high or drunk for the first time. Which the latter two of those will certainly get his ass beaten. The first will get him a high five, most definitely behind his mother's back. Which she will see here but will never know when it has occurred. Sorry Kim, its something I'm calling Father/Son Confidentiality. Anyways, as for the little munchkin he is literally growing like a weed. He is running, not walking. Which equals a lot of falling which in turn equals lots of scrapes and bruises. They don't slow him down a bit though. I have literally watched him fall and smack his face on the floor and get up running again. How are they so resilient? If I ever fell down like that, first I would lay there for at least 5 minutes to gather myself. Then I would whine about it for a couple hours. But i had a nice summer with my family. We didn't do much other than a trip down to Wilmington for a night to visit Kim's college friend. A couple trips to  "Lake Currin" as Kim calls it to hang out with some great friends. I'm learning it really is tough losing a parent. Someone who you loved and who loves you has to die because of a stupid disease. Shit sucks for sure. Fuck Cancer.... yeah I said it. I am taking applications for a new mom if anyone is interested. Just thought I would put that out there. I'm noticing this blog is really all over the place. I'm trying to clear out everything I have locked up in here. I am now like 2 1/2 months tobacco free. I think I have mentioned that before. FYI, for anyone trying to quit drinking or quit smoking beware of watching the show Mad Men. Super awesome show, but really makes me want a cigarette when I'm watching it. Well I think I hear the munchkin waking so that means I must cut this short. Until next time my friends.....

Wow.... What a hell of a week....

So last Friday started out as a great day. Kim and I got ready for our day date and Adrien was in a great mood. We laughed and joked and Ryan came to the door. Kelly went crazy as usual. This time, we were prepared. The car was started and everything was ready. Normally we feel super bad about leaving Adrien but this time we needed the date. We needed some us time. So Ryan walked through the door and we walked out. The date started out great. A nice ride to downtown Raleigh. A fantastic lunch at The Pit. So we finish lunch. Make our way back out capital blvd. I'm in the left lane and actually doing the speed limit. Next thing I know a truck pulls out in front of me. I have really no time to do anything but hit the brakes and swerve and boom..... We're sitting on the side of the road. My hands burn, my chest hurts and all I can smell and see is smoke. I look over to Kim and ask if she is ok and she has this painful stun on her face and says she cant breathe. Ok not so good. My chest is hurting really bad and the paramedics come to my side first and I ask if they will go to my wife first because she cant breathe. They do. Everyone was super nice and super helpful and got Kim into the ambulance. They say to me Kim is being transported to WakeMed and I look at them like uhhhh, come hell or high water, I'm riding with my wife. So I did and as we are pulling away I catch a glimpse of the Civ, crumpled is my only word for it.... So we get to the ER and I am split up from Kim because she is on a stretcher and goes straight back. I knew it was going to happen but it didn't make me feel any better about it. I found myself sitting in the waiting area crying not only because I have no clue how my wife is, but also because the adrenaline is wearing off and the pain is kicking in. I'm not sure how many of you have been in this kind of accident before but it was pretty much like hitting a concrete wall going between 50-55mph. That shit hurts, pardon my language. So after a few hours of being checked out and Kim being checked out we are sent home with just cuts and bruises. Which after seeing the car was pretty amazing I'd say. A major thank you goes out to a few people at this point also. First and foremost to Ryan for taking care of our son during all of this. It was very calming to know he was at home safe and happy. Thanks also go out to Kim's siblings Krissy and Andrew for dropping everything they had going on and driving 2 hours to come and pick us up and take us home and take care of us. So the next day doesn't really get you. It's the 3rd and 4th days where you really start feeling it. Every bone and muscle in your body hurts more than anything you can imagine. So a few days of rest would be ideal, but no, it's time to kick it back in gear and head to Orlando with Kim and her students for the FBLA Nationals event. So we wreck on friday, semi rest on saturday, I work a few hours on sunday until I am relieved by the other shift supervisor because I hurt so bad, pack monday during the day and work that night and then fly out on tuesday. That's when things really become unfun. Even though that's not even a real word, it really explains the situation. Summertime in Florida is kind of crappy. Because every afternoon it's like a tsunami outside! Which on wednesday Adrien and I get caught up in. Long story short we all go to Wet N' Wild and have a great time and Adrien and I leave first to catch the trolley back to the hotel and boom, commence tsunami! So we are waiting on the trolley to come and it starts pouring rain, wait for 20 minutes and we are soaked and then watch the trolley drive by because it's full! Great! So I'm soaked, Adrien is soaked and shivering, the stroller is soaked and my only choice is to run to the closest hotel and go into the lobby. They were very nice though. Gave me warm towels to wrap Adrien in to dry and keep him warm as we wait for a taxi. If you don't already know, there isn't much to do with an active 1 year old in OYrlando. True there are a lot of attractions but none that I'm willing to pay a lot of money for just to watch Adrien run around and not pay any attention to any of it. Also when your only transportation is your feet and a stroller and you've just been in a serious car accident, you don't really care much for walking the streets and hoping you don't get rained on as you wait for a trolley. So Orlando wasn't much fun for Adrien and I. We made the best of what we had but boy was it tough. Waking up every morning to a new pain wasn't much fun for Kim and I, but we made do. So we made it back home and went straight to urgent care because Kim's leg is infected and not feeling too great and my chest still hurts pretty badly. Then I find out that my dad has to drive Kim to the ER in Oxford because she may have a blood clot in her leg..... Turn the mass amounts of emotion back on. I'm scared to death but have to suck it up and be happy because Adrien and I are headed back home and I have to try to keep him happy and get his belly full. So turns out Kim's leg is fine, other than the infection. All is well, right? Wrong! The first thing I do when I get home is turn the AC down to get the house cooled back down. Later on in the night after Kim is back home and we are settling back in, the house still seems really hot. So I go look and it has only dropped 1 degree in about 5 hours. F... my life...... So it sure is nice to be home, but it sure was cooler in the hotel in Orlando. Luckily we have a fantastic neighbor named Robert who just so happens to be in the HVAC business and tonight he has saved our day! Kim is asleep, the baby is asleep and the house is finally starting to cool off. On another little topic, just another little jab for me, I had just put new wheels and tires on the car 6 days before the wreck and had ordered lowering springs to put on it. So the car was gonna look pretty dope. Now the wheels and springs are sitting in the building just waiting to be sold. Neither company will take them back so I'm stuck with them until I can find someone to buy them. All of this just adds insult to injury. So, how has your week been? Better than mine and Kim's I hope. After a serious car accident you look at life differently. You think about what could have been... But it didn't turn out that way. So it's all going to be ok. I'm content with ok... Our bruises are going away, we are still sore. But I couldn't be happier. My wife is ok, our son is ok and I will be ok. So all in all, life is good. Just remember kids, always wear your seat belts!

RIP Civic #2... you will be missed.